Waikiki

IMG_3456_1, a photo by itsmeallan on Flickr.

I never thought how much I missed this moment, laying out on the beach watching the sun set to the west. Listening to the waves break and the feeling of sand between my toes. Not too hot, or too humid, just right. And then to see the sun set behind the mountains changed the tone of the sky.

Stage IV

2011 in pictures, a set on Flickr.

So a lot of things have changed since I last wrote, and so far it's been for the better. For one, I graduated, and after a couple of interviews and a short stint at an internship in Sacramento, I found a job up in the pacific northwest at Boeing.

I've been here in Seattle for the last 3 months, and so far I'm enjoying it. People have been saying that I'm lucky to have experienced Seattle before the dark months, but after living in 95+ degree (F) weather for the past 10+ years, I really wouldn't mind these dark months to come.

I think one of the best things, especially with today's economy, is that I have a full-time job that'll pay me on a regular basis. I have a couple bills to pay so it's exciting to know that I'm able to see me completely debt free in the near future. Plus, it's a great feeling to know that all the work you've done in college actually paid off.

Here's what happened since the beginning of 2011... so far.

Complete

IMG_1137, originally uploaded by itsmeallan.

I'm almost done. It's been a while since I submitted my graduation application at Sac State, but since it had to be submitted a year before I actually graduate it seemed too far to even grasp at the time.

But for once, I can actually count the weeks down on two hand. I don't know if I'm excited or what, but it's going to be a different approach for everything a year from now.

For as much as I can remember, I've spent way too much time in college than I probably should've spent--granted a couple of years were essentially used in discovering myself.

I think the biggest fear now is trying to find a job.

transition

it's been a little over two years since i played with my band at dragonfly, and i don't know how many times i've talked about it on here, but I miss it dearly. i haven't thought about it much because i had to sell my drums and guitar last year to pay bills, but the feeling/reminiscence of it all comes back whenever I see a live band playing.

What's sad about it all is that i doubt that we'd all play together again, because half of the band is probably moved on from the whole idea of playing together again. granted, norm moved down to southern california, but i doubt that i'd ever see berto practice his bass anytime soon.

since last year, i feel like a lot of other things have consumed most of the time i used playing the guitar or the drums--i spend hours and hours on end doing random work on the computer now, and i feel more and more attached to my major than i ever felt in the past couple of years.

i only hope that, once all of this is finished i'll be able to afford the hobbies i had to give up a year ago.

this also includes a mountain bike. oh man i miss that too.

Brandy (1998 - 2010)

Brandy, originally uploaded by itsmeallan.

Everyone assumed that Brandy was just sick or some sort, picked up a common cold or just had allergies because of the horrible allergy season. Over the past two weeks, my mom would tease me with the idea that I gave Brandy my allergies since I've been sneezing so much around her. I doubt that's true, but we figured that whatever she was going through it was nothing serious.

But over the last three days her health seemed to fluctuate a lot. Three days ago she was having a hard time breathing, she wouldn't lie down, she'd just sit up and stare at us while she gave it all her effort to breathe for air. We were really concerned, but the next day she seemed fine, as if everything returned to normal.

Last night, Brandy started to act a bit strange. She was going back in forth between my room and my parents room, often sitting next to us and staring up, breathing heavily as though she was trying to get our attention. It was really strange because when she usually comes to my room, she would just head to her usual spots and lay there and fall asleep. I noticed this but didn't think much of it, when she came by I'd pick her up and place her on my lap and had her stay there while I worked on more code. Then after a while I'd place her on my bed and a little later she'd walk over to my parents room.

It turns out earlier that evening, my mom was getting worried since for once Brandy didn't gulp down her food as soon as it we made it for her. In fact, hours before my mom even cooked up some strips of chicken white-meat, in hopes of making Brandy feel better from whatever she was going through but she still refused to eat it.

Then I woke this morning around 8 AM to the sound of my mom crying and Brandy in her arms. She placed her beside me in bed and it appeared like she her health worsened. She was breathing heavily, wasn't moving much, and her eyes had fear in them. While she was in my bed she never shut her eyes, and they were open as though she was trying her best to gasp for air for as long as she could. Sensing the delicateness of the situation, I got up and brought brandy back to my parents room, placing her on her bed, which was placed in front of my mom and dad as they watched tv.

She seemed to be happy that we were all there, often attempting to lick my mom's hand whenever she could, and my mom often trying to give Brandy water as best as she could even though Brandy refused. But then she started to suffer horribly, moments later she shrieked a little bit, turned her head up towards my mom as best as she could and then all in an instance stopped moving. Her chest wasn't moving anymore. She stopped breathing. She was gone. Her body started convulsing and my mom started crying in a way I've never ever seen her do. I teared up but nothing compared to my mom.

You see Brandy was my mom's dog. Over the last couple of years, my family life has been really difficult for all of us. Brandy was there to keep my mom company and make her happy whenever she had a difficult day. Brandy was also there for my mom when she's alone at home, keeping my mom company while my dad and I were out.

I'm going to miss Brandy a lot too. Whenever I was at home alone on the weekend or up late, she would hang out with me in my room. Usually she'd be sleeping but more often that not she would bother me with having to use the bathroom. I remember I got mad at her for wanting to go to the bathroom so frequently in the night, like four or five times, especially when I was up working on time-sensitive projects due. But I figured she had two reasons why she did this, she gave me time to walk away from my work to take a break, and it was her way of "trying" to get a treat from me since when I'd come downstairs to take her out to use the bathroom I'd get a snack to eat. On the weekends, she would sleep in my room, keeping me company and often attempting to wake me up by licking my nose if I slept too long.

I think the saddest thing now is that I'm up late again working on a project, and I can't help but look over to the carpet space near my door where Brandy used to sleep, thinking that she was there just yesterday.

Brandy (1998 - 2010), originally uploaded by itsmeallan.

century ride

woodland-davis-sac-folsom loop

Share your bike routes @ Bikely.com

i'm going to whip myself back into shape tomorrow

learn. adapt. reinvent. repeat.

IMG_2534, originally uploaded by itsmeallan.

I think it's something that we all should live by.
Not in the sense that we should try to be something we
aren't, constantly, or repeatedly; rather that it should be made to
be a mantra for each of us to be able to reinvent ourselves.
and it doesn't have to be just ourselves, but maybe our humanity, our mindset, and even in some rare cases, our points of view.

It just came up, I was stuck on a particular homework problem and while
being unsolved my mind decided to wander and purge this out.